Mercy Me....

Some of you may or may not know about my son, Brian, who was tragically killed August 13, 2005. That day will remain with me for as long as I live.


Well, I recently had the opportunity to go to the Mercy Me concert in Jackson. WOW!!! That's all I can say...WOW!!


They have a song I love...well I love all of their songs, but one spoke to me and I wanted to share the lyrics with you:


I can count a million times People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You?

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on You, oh Lord
My only shelter from the Storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So, I pray


Bring me joy, bring me peace,
Bring the chance to be free,
Bring me anything that brings You glory.
And I know there'll be day
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus bring the rain.


I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above
Because you are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain?

It's me again, Margaret......

Ok, I am telling myself that I am going to get serious about this blogging stuff....so here goes.

Being over 40 and single...who would have "thunk" it? Certainly not me. This is not how I had my life planned out. By this age I was suppose to have been married for a long time now...enjoying my life.

I never imagined I'd be over 40 and "looking" for the man God has chosen for me. At first, when I started out on this journey I was determined to "find" him. But after months and months of searching....I've decided to stop "looking" and let God handle it. Surprise!!! How many times have we all said that....."Ok God...you handle it...I'm done!!" Only to take it back from Him when we don't think He's moving fast enough for us. I mean c'mon folks...we've all been there, right? Surely I'm not the ONLY ONE willing to admit it...lol. I didn't think so.

So...here I am. Waiting....and waiting....and waiting. Did I ever tell you that I hated waiting? Well I do. I have absolutely no patience. None. Zilch. Zero.

But...the way I figure it...if God could wait on me and my sinful self to come to Him...the least I can do is wait on Him to find me my christian husband. I just hope it's soon...I'm not getting any younger, ya know.

Until next time......tick tock tick tock tick tock.......

He was there all along

Ok ~ I'm new at this "blogging" stuff so you'll have to bear with me. Anyway, here's what's happening in my life right now:



I attend "Celebrate Recovery" every Tuesday night at my church (Crossgates Baptist Church in Brandon). For those of you who don't know what CR is, let me explain. CR is a Christ-centered Recovery group. There are several "groups" a person can attend each week, but I go to the "Hurts, Hang-ups and Habits" group.



Let me back up just a bit. Most of my life I was in church. I was saved (the DO YOU KNOW, THAT YOU KNOW, THAT YOU KNOW kinda saved ~ thanks Bro. Clark, I still remember some things you spoke about) on March 5, 1993 after a revival at the church I was going to at that time ~ Harmony Baptist Church in Crystal Springs.



Well on August 13, 2005 my youngest son, Brian, was murdered. After Brian's death my life took a major U-Turn. I became an angry, bitter, cold person. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still played the part of "Rita" ~ the "Rita" folks knew before his death, but I wasn't really the same. I became so angry ~ mostly angry at God for letting Brian be murdered. He could have stopped it ~ that was my thinking. If He "really" was there then why didn't he let Brian live. I had so many questions...mostly WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.



Well, Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2008 I found out the "WHY". At my Celebrate Recovery meeting we had a guest speaker. Duke, the speaker, gave his testimony. Surprising, it was similar to mine in a lot of areas. Well after he spoke he said he wanted to pray for and with those that wanted prayer. So I get in the long line of those wanting prayer. While in line, my sister asks me "What are you going to tell him you need prayer for?" I told her that I didn't know but I'm sure by the time I got to him, I'd know. Well, when I finally got to him, I knew alright. I started crying and between the sobs told him about Brian and how angry I was, mostly at God for allowing it to happen. So, Duke started praying and praying and praying. While praying he said that it wasn't God's will that Brian be killed but he allowed it to happen so I, and Brian's brothers and sisters, would come closer to God and know that he loved us. He said that God told him to tell me that Brian's death wasn't my fault. That there was nothing I could have done to stop it or to save him. That even if Brian had been with me, he still would have died in some way. When Duke said all of that I really started crying. Because for so long I also blamed myself. I had said that if Brian had been with me, he'd still be here because I wouldn't have had him at that party. I had said that if I had fought harder for Brian to come live with me, he wouldn't have died. But none of that is true. I realize now that it was Brian's time. That God had greater plans for Brian, his life and yes, even his death. Once that revelation it seemed as if my anger toward God seemed to disappear. I realized that God truly is a loving God and the only reason I couldn't see Him while I was going through Brian's death was because I was consumed in grief and because of that, I couldn't see that God was right there with me the entire time. When I thought that I couldn't go on any longer, when I left like giving up and giving in, He was there. When I felt like I had literally ran my last race and was too tired to press on ~ I now know that God picked me up and carried me to where I am at this moment in my life.

I have to just praise Him for all of the loving and wonderful people in my life today. My children ~ they are the best of the best. We all have been through so much and instead of us growing apart, we have become a closer family. My grandson ~ I praise God every day that I am here on this earth to enjoy him. He is truly a gift from God. All of my family and my friends ~ thank you all for praying for me and my children. It has been a long and rough road but we are coming through the fire better people ~ we might smell a bit charred, but we've made it nonetheless.

Well, thanks again for reading my "lil note". Take care and God bless each of you.

Rita (aka Christopher's Granny)